As I said before, I am really tired. It is the weekend that I am off. Lately, on the weekends I am off, I feel like I am in survival mode. I just try to get by with my sanity intact. MM being out of school is really NOT a good thing. I have tried my best, come up with (what I thought was) a pretty good schedule for her, but I have failed. She stims & melts down so much that I want to stab myself in the eye with a pen. Not really, well the stabbing eye part. This is the first time in years that she has not had an ESY. It is not working for her or us. I am so worn down with patience & my nerves are shot. I really need a break from everything- work, her, my dh, my life.
I want a vacation so bad. Sadly, I want one all by my selfish self. I hear, see & read about everyone having wonderful vacations with their families. That just doesn't happen here. MM can't hates going places. It becomes a lot of work to calm her. DH gets easily frustrated with us, I get really angry with him. (He too is hard to travel & vacation with. He doesn't like to drive long distances & doesn't like to fly- WTH???? Doesn't leave many options for us) I feel trapped here. I feel like I am a horrible mother for wanting alone time. I need to recharge my batteries. I am like a car with a dead battery that hasn't been replaced. I am constantly having to be "jumped" every time I need to do anything. Although, one of these times, I am not going to start.
This is not what I envisioned when I dreamed of having a family. I am so bummed right now.
That is all.
6 years ago