Wednesday, November 14, 2007


I am so slack! I have never even posted an update about our vacation. We went to Florida. We only got to go to Disney for one day because my grandma-ma passed away when we were down there. It is just so typical for us to have a crappy vacation. MM did well. It took her a few days to adjust to being there, but she had a good time. Her cousin "B" is only six months older than her. He wanted to play with her so bad. He kept saying "MM, stop ignoring me", "MM, are you listening to me?" then we heard in the tattle tale voice "Mom (or grandma or aunt t), MM's ignoring me". Tell me, how do you explain autism to a just turned 5 year old who has never experienced it? He had tons of questions about her DAFOs & why she couldn't run like him or jump on the trampoline like him. He was also very kind to her. He would help her & lift her up & carry her (did I mention he is a head taller than her & outweights her by about 35 lbs??). She wanted to climb the tree, so he lifted her up & put her in it. I wish we lived closer to cousins, I think it did her good. By the end of our time, she was asking for him. She also seemed to be a bit smitten with her older cousin "D" & he too was quite good to her. She actually hung out with her grandma some which was a first.

Things are going so so in the marital department. We had a huge fight the day after we got back. The worst part was he got so angry over something so silly. I am giving him one last chance. I know he is having a hard time himself with all of this, but get some help or something. I can't take it any more. I am just miserable at times & all of the extra stress doesn't seem to help. I hate to become a statistic, but I think I read somewhere that over 60% of marriages with a preemie end in divorce & 80% of marriages with a child with ASD end in divorce. Odds not in our favor. I guess I am just getting tired & don't have much of a fight left in me. I have to fight for so much & I am spent. I really think I am in the middle of a serious depression. I just can't seem to get motivated to do anything. All I want to do is sleep. Not a good thing when you have a million things to do at the house, have to work & keep up with a SNK.

I always seem to be whining any more. I just, for once, would like to be cut a break. When does it get easier? Is life always this way & things just seem magnified cause of all the stress? I don't know. I gotta run cause she is stinking up the house with a poopie pullup.