As one blogger that I love to read calls it "Ass-vice". People are always full of it, willing to dish it out, even when not elicited. I suppose most mean well or are truly trying to help. I just don't know about it.
For example, my mother's friend (who also happens to be a nurse & is well aware of MM's disabilities) came into town. This lady has been a friend of my mother's for years & I really do adore her. She is quick witted, funny & sarcastic- my kind of humor for sure. MM knows of the friend, but is not familiar with her. She spent an hour with MM & I this morning. She was in full on ASD mode, complete with vocal ticks and flapping. To some, her voice & actions appear to be naughty behavior. She was very patient with her, which is unusual for those who don't really know her. She did a great job of ignoring the stims, tried to engage her & just generally appeared at ease with the situation (we went out to a restaurant for breakfast that is very small & we were the only ones in there to help out MM). Overall, it was a nice, short visit for MM. She tolerated her well.
After dropping off MM at school, she then proceeded to deal out the assvice. This wasn't something I would normally expect from her. At first, she told me what an amazing job I was doing. Thanks. No problem with that comment. She then gave me the standard God knows who to give the special kids to, etc. Although always well intended, it doesn't really ring true to me. Next came my favorites. She looks just like any other kid, just a little weird. Okay. Is she supposed to look horrible? She will grow up to be just fine. She will surprise you by the time she is sixteen. You won't be able to pick her out of a crowd. She will have a job & everything. You will truly be amazed, don't ever doubt her or give up on her. STOP RIGHT THERE! YOU HAVE A FRIGGIN' CRYSTAL BALL? WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I am so glad you came into town to spend this hour with my child & tell me these things. I didn't realize that all of the hard work, hours of therapy, money spent, fighting with the schools & insurance companies, pushing, pushing, pushing was doubting & giving up on her. I have never believed she could surprise me since she has proved everyone wrong since the day she was born. I was definitely giving up on her at age 6, but since you just told me all of this, I guess I will keep working with her.
I just can't believe that in a mere decade, everything will be okay. So, now I have a time line of when my stress will be gone & our happily ever after will begin.
End of sarcasm.
Sometimes, I think a book needs to be written of things NOT to say to parents of SNK & what the right things are to say. I am sure it is out there somewhere and if not, it needs to be. How about posting your best ASSvice received in regards to your child or any thing else in your life?
7 years ago