Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Viral? Nope.

Been MIA due to MM having another lengthy illness. It involved a high fever- 104.9 in the armpit, vomiting, lethargy, barky coughing, runny nose, a trip to the ER, a trip to the pediatrician office. The ER said it was viral and to wait it out. I didn't really agree with the super high fever. It then continued on for 8 days, finally culminating in a raging UTI. Poor thing. Today is the first day I have seen a glimmer of her in there. She actually ate some food today. I hope this is it & she can kick this thing. It is so hard to guess what is wrong with her, but she actually did finally tell us her butt hurt which lead to the UTI suspicion. Like I said, it it a major UTI. She is on some pretty strong antibiotics for fear of it moving to her kidneys since it went on too long. I am exhausted cause I was up for 4 nights in a row giving meds every 3 hours for her fever. DH has actually let me take a nap the last two days we were off together.

During the illness, the ER doctor gave her phenergan (sp.) for vomiting. It made her severely ataxic, rigid and she kept doing weird things with her mouth. Turns out, it can cause neuro problems for those with neuro issues. I told the ER doc TWICE she had CP & ASD. What part of neuro is that not? I swear, it is getting so scary any more when it comes to dealing with the medical profession & I AM a medical person! My number one rule is listen to your patients or their family. Easy enough? Obviously not for some. Needless to say, we had the crap scared out of us once more. It is only zofran for us from now on & it is listed on her chart to never give her phenergan again.

We keep taking the punches & getting back up.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Weekend Survival Mode

As I said before, I am really tired. It is the weekend that I am off. Lately, on the weekends I am off, I feel like I am in survival mode. I just try to get by with my sanity intact. MM being out of school is really NOT a good thing. I have tried my best, come up with (what I thought was) a pretty good schedule for her, but I have failed. She stims & melts down so much that I want to stab myself in the eye with a pen. Not really, well the stabbing eye part. This is the first time in years that she has not had an ESY. It is not working for her or us. I am so worn down with patience & my nerves are shot. I really need a break from everything- work, her, my dh, my life.

I want a vacation so bad. Sadly, I want one all by my selfish self. I hear, see & read about everyone having wonderful vacations with their families. That just doesn't happen here. MM can't hates going places. It becomes a lot of work to calm her. DH gets easily frustrated with us, I get really angry with him. (He too is hard to travel & vacation with. He doesn't like to drive long distances & doesn't like to fly- WTH???? Doesn't leave many options for us) I feel trapped here. I feel like I am a horrible mother for wanting alone time. I need to recharge my batteries. I am like a car with a dead battery that hasn't been replaced. I am constantly having to be "jumped" every time I need to do anything. Although, one of these times, I am not going to start.

This is not what I envisioned when I dreamed of having a family. I am so bummed right now.

That is all.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


One of my fav blog buddies, who left me some really kind words on the previous post, has lots of give aways. She has one that hasn't closed yet. She still has about 8 spots open. Go show her some love and leave a comment. You will get the give away!

This is great for all you Cheapskates!

Go on, why are you still reading this! FREE & easy I tell ya!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Warning: This Post Uses Offensive (to some) Language

Some days, I just think "Autism, you are an Asshole!". It really can drive me crazy; completely to the edge of insanity. It has been this way for the last few weeks around here.

MM has been constantly stimming. Her favorite stim is language which means we ALL get to "enjoy" the stimming. She stims when happy. She stims when upset. She stims when she gets up way, way too early. She stims when she is overly tired. She stims when nervous. These vocal stims can last for hours sometimes. Here is a mini list of her current favorite stimming statements:

"Up to your room"- this is yelled at full force, usually in bed, either when trying to go to sleep or very early in the morning. Thanks Berenstain Bears for this one.

"How do you wipe Clara's bottom? From the top to the bottom? Yes, never bottom to top. Clara's hygiene is very important"- this one is usually asked of a person about 5 gazillion times a day. Even if you answer, you will be asked this over & over & over. Thanks My Baby DS game for this one.

"What body systems are there? Skeletal, Muscular, Digestive, Circulatory & Nervous"- See above about the frequency of this one. Thanks science book for this one.

These are just a few of them. I am so tired of hearing these. I am just plain tired. She did so well for a couple of weeks. I bragged, boasted & strutted like a peacock. Now, I am just plain defeated, exhausted & sad. This really isn't going to go away. No matter how much therapy we have done, trying to redirect, ignore, etc., it is always going to be here (not just the stims, but everything about it). I don't like living with it. I can't make peace with it or even be its friend. Why?

Cause autism is an asshole.

Maybe I will feel better next week.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Next Sunday Is

Father's Day! Can you believe it? It is coming up fast. I actually have already bought DH a little something from the Meghatron. For those of you who procrastinate or are at a loss, check this out. This is a neat blog, done by a really cool chic I met on a message board about 5 years ago. She is a mom of 3 little boys & is an AMAZING writer too! I also love her cause we share the same bizarre birthday! Show her some love & maybe you can win this!

SSSSSSShhhh... don't tell her that I would probably buy myself some flowers instead of DH. They have other gifts, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Anon Confessions

Leaving this up for a little while longer since the comments seem to be slowly rolling in. Keep 'em coming. Get it all off your chest! This is the place to do it. No judgment. I always moderate the comments, so if a troll shows up, it will be rejected. Don't be afraid, just use the anonymous feature.

I saw this on another blog & thought it was interesting. Hers was letting people confess their deep, dark secrets such as "I am meeting a man I met online this afternoon to have s.ex with him". She had them post in the comments section.

I was thinking we could post anonymously our true secrets, fears, anger, etc about having a SNK. It can also be about anything else you want to get off your mind. UNLOAD HERE. Don't forget to use the anonymous feature! Can't wait to read & hope this helps a little. I will post some of mine too, once the comments start rolling in. After all, this is supposed to be juicy stuff!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Literally Autism

While working on a puzzle of the US:

Me: Topeka is the capital of what?
MM: Kansas

Me: Little rock is the capital of what?
MM: Are-Kansas
Me: Arkansas
MM: Are-Kansas
Me: No honey, for some reason they say Arkansas
MM: Are-Kansas

While making blueberry muffins:

Me: MM, you have to move so I can get in that cabinet
MM: I moved (as she turns 180 degrees on her step stool)
Me: You are so literal
MM: I not literal- what's literal?
Me: :::silence:::